Random thoughts...

This will be another blog to just get random thoughts out of my always thinking brain. Sorry if you find it random, but that's the way my brain works, random, just ask my husband, mom, sister, or brother. They would tell you in a minute I'm a bit random... However, here we go...

First off, I want to start with a post that is aimed at one certain person, a person that I doubt will ever read this post, and if they do, they will probably never think that it is aimed at them. People need to learn to take responsibility for their actions. Heck, if you do something and it's wrong, be man/woman enough to go "I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." Something that simple can fix things. Don't go blaming someone else cause you messed up. It's not the other person's fault, it's your own. You did it. You fix it. Don't wander around life thinking that you did nothing wrong and that someone else is to blame. Simple as that. Want to know if maybe it was you and not that other person? Ask. I'd rather ask and look like an idiot than walk around thinking it's all someone else and I'm innocent and look like a bigger idiot. That stuff just gets on my nerves. Everyone messes up in life. Everyone. If we didn't, we wouldn't be human. Be the bigger person.

Second, I want to talk about another random thing. My oldest daughter will be five in November. She's making me old. It doesn't seem like that long ago that I was pregnant and wondering whether we'd have a boy or girl and picking out baby names... To think five years ago at this time I was only five weeks from having my baby prematurely and going through one of the biggest challenges I have had to face to date. I know that I haven't had a whole crap ton of bad things happen to me in life, but her being in the NICU an hour from home for the first eight weeks of her life was pretty freakin rough. Don't agree? You try being a first time mom to a baby that almost fits perfectly in your hand from fingertip to the end of your palm where you go home without her and spend the next eight weeks going back and forth between home and the hospital every day. I think of those eight weeks, I might've missed two days. I worked part-time, Eric worked full-time, we took care of home, but my butt was still there. I woke up every morning and called to check on her before going to see her, I called again every night to check on her before I went to sleep.

Which leads me to my next random rant... Everyone has crap that has happened to them in their past. Everyone. Not everyone has it as bad as the next person, but everyone has their own obstacles they have to face in life. You still have to learn how to deal with those things. You can't hold onto that as a crutch and say that's your reason for not going further. So what if you went through some stuff? That stuff isn't what makes you who you are. You make you who you are. You decide what your actions are going to be. You decide how you're going to cope with the things you're going through. If you can't learn to cope with it, there are a million people in the world, reach out for help, cause chances are, someone knows someone who can either help you or help you get help. You don't have an excuse. People who don't see what they have to live for annoy the hell out of me. It all goes back to that accepting responsibility for your actions thing. If you messed up and you apologize, then you leave it in the other person's hands. Let them decide whether they're going to forgive you. Are they big enough to do that? If they aren't that's their deal, at least you owned up to your mistake.

Okay, well, I've used play time to write this post, so a very quick update and then it's time to get girlies a nap... Since quitting Ruby Tuesday, my headaches have pretty much disappeared. The few that I have had have been so mild it doesn't bother me. The night before last I did the shaking in my sleep thing again, but other than that, nothing really to complain about. I have started to get Halloween decorations up (for those of you that don't know, I love going all out for holidays...) which makes me excited, and I'm back to doing my crafty things and baking, two things that I LOVE! Overall, things are looking up for this girl. Hope that all is well for you!! Love to all...

Figuring things out...

Once again, I've gone without posting for a bit. I wound up taking last weekend off work, and due to some circumstances, I haven't really been hanging out either. You guessed it, my headaches eased way off, and I was feeling great. Then I worked Monday... which made it a little worse. After two months of deliberating and Eric telling me to quit and get rid of that stress, I finally did. I am certainly hoping that this will make life a bit easier for me. I'm hoping that things will be under control by the time that spring semester rolls around for school, but I've also realized that I may just have to wait for summer or fall semester before I can think about that option... I can't drive until February and with Eric working, I wouldn't exactly have a way to get to class. This seems to be a never ending cycle for me.

The past few days I've been a little grumpy... Eric would probably say a lot grumpy... With me only working once since last Monday (the 3rd), and my only outings being to the grocery store, I'm going a little bit stir crazy... My serger is on the fritz and I don't have enough hot glue sticks to work on any of my other projects right now, so I don't have my crafts to distract me right now... Not driving is driving me crazy right now. Then again, when is it not?

I was going to post the other day about 9/11, but wound up not doing it... See, for me, 9/11 has changed my life twice... Once for obvious reasons... I remember sitting in my first period 9th grade history class when the principal came in and pulled the teacher into the hall and told him what was happening. He came in and told us he was turning on the tv cause what was happening was history in the making. The most recent change it brought was me having my first seizure in the wee hours of that day three years ago. I am thankful that I didn't have seizures (or maybe I should say noticeable seizures) before that. I think had I have had them before then, I might not be blessed with my beautiful babies. I honestly don't know that I would've ever even considered having kids knowing that I might have passed on the uncertainty of something like epilepsy. I just hope that they never develop it. I am going to go now, before I go off on that tangent. Love to all...

Getting there...

Well, it's been a little while since I last posted. I took a time-out from lots of things since I last blogged.  It did me some good. I am not quite as cranky since my last post, at least for the most part... My headaches are still here, but that's something I can deal with I suppose. Let's get you all caught up on what's going on with (and in) my head now...

Let's start with my number one complaint, headaches. My headache eventually hit migraine strength a day or two after my last post. It made me sick to my stomach. So, I took a time-out. I reverted to the me who stayed inside the apartment and didn't socialize with the neighbors... After my migraine strength headache, it eased up, after my time-out, it went back to the just enough to be annoying stage... I was off for a couple days, too. Then, I went back to socializing and back to work, now my headache is back to the painful stage... I am going to have to figure out if it's my social life or my job that is killing my head. Whichever one it is, I'm going to have to get rid of it. At least until someone can get my headache gone. I suppose this is the point where some of you are telling me in your head that I should find some different friends. It's not necessarily the friends, it's the me worrying about said friends. Everyone goes through slumps, and unfortunately someone I hang out with often is currently in a slump. However, I may have to take myself out of it until I find a doctor worth a flip... I just can't keep having my headache get this bad...

My tingles haven't been quite so bad since my headaches have reached this point. So at least one thing is looking up... I don't know if this is good or bad though... My shoulder still feels funny at times, and so does my elbow, but I haven't been having my tingles every night at least. I have, however, been kicked to the couch once since my last post... We went to bed one night and every time I fell asleep, I would start shaking. Eric said that I wasn't seizing, just shaking. Which is kind of scary, but at least if it was a seizure, it wasn't a grand mal seizure...

My anger issues also decreased with my time-out. Don't get me wrong, I still get mad way quicker than I used to, but I don't go around pretty much wanting someone to set me off so that I can go RAWR!!!! I am slowly getting back to somewhat normal me. Maybe the normal happy-go-lucky me isn't too far away, hopefully I'm starting to catch back up to her, or bring her out of hiding, whichever way she went. Either way, I'm working on it...

It has officially been one month since my last known seizure (I really need to get into a  neurologist and  get me and Eric better educated about these things so that we know if I'm having one with my other strange behaviors...) and I'm pretty pumped about it. The longer I go without one, the more "normal" I feel. I now know that I will never be totally safe from my seizures like we originally thought I might be. However, as long as they are kept under control by medicine, we're okay. We're on track to getting back to a somewhat normal life. Well, as normal as you can get with something like this. Just a small speed bump, but definitely not a total road block. I can still go on with life, it's just a matter of getting all the ducks back in their row and we'll be set. I hope that things are going well for all of you. Love to all...